apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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