I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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