Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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