if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize