I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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