the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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