people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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