I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize