Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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