How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize