Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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