So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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