I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize