I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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