I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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