oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize