yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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