I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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