would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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