The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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