This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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