i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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