Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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