i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize