OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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