So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize