Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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