i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize