just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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