I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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