some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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