What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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