had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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