I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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