Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize