please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize