It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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