3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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