Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize