Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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