Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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