The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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