yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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