I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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