Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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