so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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