Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize