3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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