$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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