The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We talked him into tasing himself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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